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technolife
drawing has been my meaning of life- so dont troll me about that.

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Future Manga-ka!

My peaceful sick mind...

Joined on 6/17/08

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LOM (legend of mana) ep1

Posted by technolife - December 13th, 2008


before you read**

thank you guys, but i dont feel like waiting a whole week to write my story's 1st episode...
i will write a new episode every saturday, so stay tuned! if you dont like it, just be simple and dont go over board. since this is my first episode, it might be a little you know um... *ehem* bad.
go easy on me since this is my first episode and-

kirby: just start!!
me: geez, okay! *ehem* well... enjoy!!

.
/* */
....
it was an early winter morning in Asaisa. the fog was whispering through the town of Caspasen and the sun was waking up not long ago.

inside the castle, where the princess lives, of course, the princess, Princess Mana, was packing her small leather bag with food, a knife, a cantine, and so on.

Mana: How dare they dont let me participate in the War!
she gets up, and walks out side her door to the gaurd
Mana: Get Cheif Tyk in here immediatly!
Gaurd: Y-yes, Miss Mana!
the gaurd joggs through the large hall and turns left around the corner.
the princess walks back to her bag on her bed and continues to put tools into her bag.

the princess was a beautiful young woman. long, black hair, pale smooth skin, and yellow, sparkling eyes. and how dazzling her red and gold dress was on her!

Asaisa, the country of demons, were in a bloody war with Naret, the country of Humans.

the princess, was a common Cat demon. black ears, a tail, and whiskers

suddenly her door gave a small creek. Mana turned around, and gave a suprised look. she looked like a child cought sneaking a cookie. but Mana took a deep breath, and relaxed when it was Cheif Tyk at the door

Cheif Tyk: ! S-sorry if i scared you princess! what is it you want to speak with me?
Tyk was a young man, about Mana's age. he had spiky red hair and was a little tan. he had sea-green eyes and was a Tall Elf demon, so he had long, dark ears.
Mana: Of course you didnt scare me! ... Why cant i participate in this war? or why cant we just surrender?!
Cheif Tyk: *sigh* not this again...
Cheif Tyk: well 1, if you participate in the war, you WILL be killed. not MIGHT. WILL. and 2, if we surrender, those humans will take everything from our cistzens and us! they will hang anyone who runs away, and will take our country! and worse, they will kill you... and i dont want them to kill you! because if they DO kill you.. i will.. i will..
Mana: ok.. i get it.. please.... sit... down....
Cheif Tyk: i would cry and i will cry b-because i lov-
Mana: CHEIF!
cheif tyk silenced. tears were running down his face. he only had two weaknesses.. his 1st weakness is her. and his second one... is going overboard about a topic.

Mana: Okay... i wont participate in the war.. you may go now.
tyk looked down. he felt so embarassed! he turned and walked slowly to her bedroom door.
Mana: wait!
tyk looked up, stopped and turned his head. he found Mana, standing very close to him and she took his hand.
Mana: im sorry i made you upset.. and to make it all up i wont go..
What a terrible lie!
mana looked, up, closed her eyes, and then...
she kissed him.
Tyk thinking: *WHA????!!!!!!!!!*
tyk started to blush until he turned dark scarlet. then it started to feel like they have been kissing forever!
until mana slowly pulled her lips away.
tyk's blushing slowly faded away. and his face brightened and he smiled
mana smiled back but then it turned into a frown
Tyk: what's wrong?
Mana: im sorry...
mana *took a deep breath and held it. tyk was very confused now...
then out of nowhere, some unkown gas filled the air and tyk was knocked out!
Mana thinks: i feel bad having to use a knock-out smoke bomb on him...
Mana walked into her closet and put on a skirt, a black jacket, and a scarf. then she pulled on some wool knee-high socks and boots.

she walked back to her bed still holding her breath and took out the knife and drew it close to her head, and cut her hair short. then cut her cheeks a little. just to make some scars

she did this so nobody would notice her...
she took her bag and got a folded up latter, then unfolded it and set it outside her window...
she climbed down and took a breath of fresh air.
Mana: now to meet a close friend...

End of episode 1
--

thanks for reading! now heres a picture i made of Mana and Tyk!
i didnt put much heart into it so it might not look so awesome...
make sure you comment!

LOM (legend of mana) ep1


Comments

It's a good game too!

game? ._.

OHHHH this isnt based off the game

you drew that pic too?

thats the pic i made
the one on thelast post isnt

Not bad. But here's some recommended improvements to make;

1: Double-space speech lines. You had it almost perfect there, you just need to make it from this;

A: ABC
B: DEF
C: GHI

To this;

A: ABC

B: DEF

C: GHI

This makes it easier to read, and it really does help in the long run.

2: All actions should be enclosed in "*----*" For example;

I shot that guy in the face.

Should be...

*I shot that guy in the face.*

Kind of like that. It makes it easier to identify.

Hopefully, I helped you out on this a bit! :)

thanks!
well it is my first story, so this is very helpfull..

nice!

thanks

awesome! :D
it reminds me of a good book serires i once read except the other way around
humans verses demons but the humans can use magic and the demons had no mind at all
except the demon masters they can speak and *wink wink* play chess :D

and

i loved the story :D its somthing i can easily pick up on
to tell the truth....
....
you should finish the whole series ( or season?) and try to get it published :D

-yay for furries!-

XD that.. would... be.. AWESOME!!

wow..i gotta say that was FAN FUCKING TASTIC!

seriously that was just great for your first story! and the drawing was great too!

i read lots o' books so i learn how to decribe things and how to make little things sound so beautiful...
i thank Cornellia Fuke (my favorate authur) for that.

Looks like I'm gonna have some competition when I become an author. Awesome job you know what its beyond that. Friggin amazing

wow! thanks ^_^; now im a bit embarassed!
i didnt know it would be that good...

Now i see what you ment when you said "Bad"

a simple "i dont like it, sorry" wouldve been good...
but since you gave me adittude, your close to being banned.
thanks for reading... i guess...

I thought it was great!!!

arigatou!~
(thank you!~)

I bet Kirby would say the same thing

hehehe maby :D

A true author is able to visualize ther story and see beyond just the words that are in front of their eyes. that why your story is so amazing

me: wow that was so deep ._.
kirby: can i get my freakin' cupcakes now?!!!
me: crap its that time again...
kirby: yes! now get me my damn cupcakes! PRONTO!
me: *kicks kirby and he goes flying off into the horizon*
me: wow i miss doing that so much :O

*Looks into sky* Why is there a giant brick with a face coming towards us?

oh crap! *uses leviating powers to safely set the brick down*
*the brick forms back into kirby*
kirby: damnit >-<
me: *flame-kicks kirby and kirby goes flying even further*

Awesome! I love it! ^-^ Your stories are even better compared to mine....then again, I think I need a little work on how I type them. So I'll try to do that. Oh! And sorry I was gone so long today. I was VERY busy. ._. And again, wonderful story, my little angel. ^-^

thanks!
i dont think your are better than mine! personally, i think i rush things a bit on my stories...

Also, I've been noticing something odd. Ever since I started my story, everyone else I know is making one. O_o Not that it isn't a bad thing. I just think it's a bit weird in a way.

it is kinda weird :O
but mine is a bit different cus it has nothing to do with NG life :P

True. But still. All the stories have been done mostly just because I've been doing them. I think I'm TOO popular around here. Just like school. >.<

i used to be this kid everbody was friends with, but now that i switched schools, everybody thinks im some weird, emo girl with no friends...

D:< I'll kill those bastards for you then.

*steps back a bit*
erm.... calm down, clash.... ^_^;;
nothing to w-worry about!!

Sorry....it's just that I hate it when anyone picks on you.....

*kisses your cheek*
dont worry ^_^

Okay. ^-^
Also, I noticed something. You're profile pic. One of the shoes has a black collar around the top of it, and the other has a white one. ^-^;

yup :D the white collor one, unlike the black collar one, has a black strip on the shoe, but you can hardly see it in the pic

Sweet Story!!

thanks :D

*Looks into sky as kirby is still flying away* UUHHH Wow nice kick. You play soccer or something cause he's still flyin away

nope :D
i play dodgeball and pingpong :D

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